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Worried Mom all the time

I feel bad every time my kids get sick. I feel like, I am useless and all the things I do every single day in taking care of them is useless.

I am a very protective mom. An OA mom. Meticulous mom. And many more names others call me because my priority is to keep my kids clean, healthy, and safe. I always wash their hands and got alcohol and sanitizers in my bag wherever we go. I always make sure they don't touch germ prone area like escalator and door handle when we go to the mall or to the grocery. I keep reminding them to cover their nose when we pass by a barbeque selling area or a smoking person. I clean the house everyday and do general cleaning weekly. That includes wiping from the ceiling, walls, to floors. I change towels, curtains, and bed sheets every week.

It started when my eldest, Five, got sick when he was 4 yrs old. And when Six got hospitalized, I protected my kids more.

Five had dry cough for almost two months when he was four. We've been to four different doctors and each has given him antibiotics and cough medicines but none of them cured my son. We've done skin test and x-ray and all comes normal.

With the last money left in our pockets, we decided to bring him to a specialist. That time, a pulmonologist was not available so we were referred to an allergologist. She requested for an allergy test, but we never able to do it up to this day because of it's price. She also gave some prescription for Five's three months maintenance and steroid nasal spray. We avoided everything that may trigger his allergy until he turned seven. Five was cured and never experienced allergy cough for years.

Until last year, for the whole month of October, December, March, and 3rd week of April up to last week. We've been to three different doctors. Same as what happened 5 years ago. Antibiotics and cough medicines didn't helped. So we decided to see a pulmonary-pedia and Five was diagnosed with Asthma.

I was devastated. OA you may say. But with all my effort to keep my kids from any germs, bacteria, allergy triggering things, keep them safe and sick free, I am feeling useless now. I am very disappointed with myself. Thinking, what else can I do to make my kids healthy. I have done almost everything. I can't think of any other ways to make them safer.

I just keep on praying that Five will get better with all of his maintenance, nebule, and steroids prescribed by the pulmonary-pedia. I am hoping that this will not happen again.

I am a worried mom all the time. And will never get tired of taking care of my kids as long as I can.

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